Dear Dell Technician:

After contacting Dell Support about the malfunctioning of our recently purchased laptop, we were given instructions on how to return the equipment for servicing. I was told to put a note in the return box with the computer explaining, in my own words, what exactly was wrong with it.

Dear Dell Technician,

The problem in my own words with our Inspiron E1505 notebook is that we believe someone (a.k.a. one of our four children) tried to plug in a USB cord upside-down, and when met with resistance, simply shoved harder, thus rendering the upper port mangled, useless and dead. Upon trying to use the one remaining port, we found that this one had not been able to bear the emotional burden of the loss of its sibling, so it must have found solace in committing circuit suicide rather than go it alone and wait for another impatient child to come along with an inverted plug, or a fork, or a Malibu Barbie ski pole, or a Lego brand Harry Potter special edition magician’s wand, or the like.

I don’t know if any of this is true, but that is my best guess as to how the USB port became scrunched. Thank you for your expertise.