Critical Lawnmower: October 2006

Friday, October 27, 2006

Hairy Humor

In the van on our way to school, my son Sam says to me, "What are you gonna do today, Mom?"

I tell him, "I have to take your sister's violin bow to the shop to have it rehaired."

He replies, "Shouldn't Dad have priority?"

It took me a while, too, but then I burst out laughing!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Yellow Dahlia
Photo by A. Graf

Oak Leaf on Mums
Photo by A. Graf

Elephant Ear
Photo by A. Graf

Pink Dahlia Detail
Photo by A. Graf

Give a Goth a Hug

Our oldest daughter was not with us this past Sunday at church. We decided to stop at the grocery store on the way home from services, so we phoned her to inform her of our plans. My husband made the call and I heard him ask her if she would like anything from the store. I answered this question out loud myself, "How about some eyeliner? You're surely out of that." (She has taken to stylish ancient Egyptian/hungover racoon eye makeup of late.)

My husband laughed, though I didn't realize until after he hung up that my daughter had responded over the phone at the exact same time as I was making my motherly remark, "Yeah, can you pick up some black eyeliner?"

I found the following Internet editorial at JiveMagazine.com. It was written by Rob Hlozek back in March of 2004. (As a disclaimer, I don't approve of calling Goths morons, despite their often clownish outward appearances. My own daughter insists she isn't Goth, but for the record, underneath her black high top shoes, her street-cleaner mighty-sequoia-width black pants covered in shiny, jingling chains, the flourescent fishnet stockings-cum-gauntlets on both arms, her black and grey skull-spattered hoodie and those coal-rimmed eyes sometimes caught scowling out from under what would be a jet black emo-sweep if I let her dye her hair, is a very smart, tough, creative and beautiful young woman/child whom I love dearly.)

The Internet Darkened Our Lives With Too Much Eyeliner

Overall, I am not too impressed with the Internet. Sure, it has made our lives easier and more convenient. We can look for jobs, purchase hard to find collectables, and get our hands on porn without having to face the embarrassment of a judgmental check-out clerk. However, there have certainly been many high prices to pay. One of them is that there are too many damn Goth kids running around out there!! In a nation where we have easy access to Prozac, Wellbutrin, Paxil, Zoloft, Valium, and crack, there just isn't any reason for the over abundance of whiny depressed little teenagers who think the world is against them and Marilyn Manson is a genius. For this I blame the Internet. Let's rewind to 1995, shall we? 1995 is considered to be the year the Internet took off in the consumer world, thanks to AOL's first huge advertising budget and the hype surrounding Windows 95. Now I was a freshman in college that year. Before this I could go to the mall and the only obnoxious teenagers around were the ones who still thought grunge was cool and Kurt Cobain was actually hiding out with Elvis. If by chance I saw someone my age with black eye-liner hanging around the food court looking for free samples of Chinese food, it was obvious that they were looking to be made fun of and tormented. Remember, before 1994 Goths only went out in public in case they were cheering up so they could be made fun of and would become depressed again. Hot Topic didn't come into existence until 1996, so there was no other reason for them to leave their basements. Back then it was all good and a valuable part of the suburbian circle of life. Goths were few and far between and they liked it that way. But then the Internet went and screwed it all up. Because most Goths lived in their parents' basements, social outlets were hard to find. To the original 138 Goths that existed in America, the Internet was a good way for them to talk to one another. Unfortunately, it also allowed them to be discovered by impressionable teenagers who were looking to express their individuality by joining a new group. I figure one of these morons stumbled into a gothic chat room and a conversation like this ensued:

KewlDood82: Hey any hotties want to talk to me?

MiseryDarkChilde: Go away. We seek only the darkness in which our isolation creates the chaos in which our souls swim. You are misguided in your travels here.

KewlDood82: Oh come on, there's got to be one hottie in here.

RavenBlackHeart: Be gone for your own sake, or the darkness will engulf you as it has us. All that will remain in you is sorrow and depression.

KewlDood82: I'm kinda depressed. My parents won't get me rollerblades. Can I hang with you dewds?

MiseryDarkChilde: Travel down the dark path at your own risk.

KewlDood82: Awesome!! I'm gonna go get my mom's eye liner. BRB.

This conversation and others like it began the downward spiral. Then came the proliferation of Goths in society, which was subsequently nurtured by the evolution of Hot Topic. The Internet is first and foremost to blame, though. And it's certainly pushing it along, too. Try typing "Goth" in a search engine and see how many pages pop up. It's second only to "clitoris". Who knows how long this will continue. However, we can do something to stop it. Next time you see one of these tortured souls, please give a Goth a hug and make them feel better.

(edited by A. Graf)

Monday, October 09, 2006

So after all the beautiful fall colors of nature in the park yesterday, I had to stop and take this photo of a piece of gravel wedged into a crack in the parking lot asphalt. I find this very appealing, in a totally different way.
Photo by A. Graf